Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
