Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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