Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
