Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hippo gnu deer
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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