In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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