I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
