hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
