This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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