so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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