Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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