you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
