Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize