why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
