Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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