I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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