so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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