Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just blew my weed a kiss
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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