Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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