go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
