Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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