I puked a lego.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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