I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
