well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
