When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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