my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
