Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize