last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
