Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
