I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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