i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm really busy with my period
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