i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
