If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
handjob tips. give me some.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
