I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
