remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A+ Viking dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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