We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I smell stomach acid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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