Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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