you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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