can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
