i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
