There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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