It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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