Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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