She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
