i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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