I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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