Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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