What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
