meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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