morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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