Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
