Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sext me about skeletons
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize