You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
