I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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