I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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