She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
