VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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