Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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