The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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