I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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