Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
