I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize