I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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