If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
