It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
