my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
