My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
