we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
