She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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