The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Green mimosas i think yes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
