Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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