using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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