He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
