one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
