A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize