fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
