my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
