I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is my gift to your gina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize