I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
